What is the normal body count for a 17 year old? Some of my friends have a few and I do not have any.
Honestly, there’s no such thing as a “normal” body count for a 17-year-old. Everyone’s timeline and comfort level are completely different, and that’s totally okay. Just because your friends have more experience doesn’t mean you’re behind or missing out - it just means you’re on your own path.
It’s also really important to remember that not everyone is having sex at 17. Even though it might seem like everyone around you is, that’s actually not true. According to the Sexual and Reproductive Health of New Zealand Secondary School Students: A Youth19 report, only about 17.9% of 17-year-old females said they’d ever had sex. So the majority haven’t - it just isn’t something people always talk about openly, which can make it feel way more common than it really is.
What really matters is that you wait until you feel ready - not pressured, not comparing yourself - but genuinely ready in your own time. It’s such a personal thing, and its way more meaningful to focus on whether relationships are safe, respectful, and genuinely wanted, rather than counting numbers or comparing yourself to others.
Also, can we talk about the word “body count” for a second? It’s kinda wild when you think about it - that phrase actually came from counting how many people were killed in battles. So when people use it to talk about sex, it can make something really personal sound like a score or competition. But it's not - you don’t owe anyone your body, and your worth isn’t defined by numbers. What actually matters is how you feel, that you’re respected, and that your choices are truly yours.
Take care of yourself and your boundaries. You’re not “behind” for waiting - there’s nothing wrong with taking your time - and you’ll never regret waiting for the right moment that feels good, comfortable, and safe for you💛
Arohanui,
Māmā Ruru
How do I prevent shaving bumps?
Hey lovely, 💛
Thanks so much for reaching out - seriously, you’re not alone in this! Razor bumps are so common and honestly such a pain, but the good news is there are heaps of simple things you can do to help calm them down and stop them coming back.
Before you shave:
Exfoliate gently - Use a soft scrub or exfoliating glove to lift away dead skin. It helps free up any trapped hairs that can cause those annoying bumps. Just make sure whatever you use is gentle and suits your skin.
Shave at the end of your shower - Warm water softens the hair and opens pores, which makes shaving easier and kinder on your skin.
Use a creamy, hydrating gel or foam - Dry shaving can really irritate your skin, so a fragrance-free shave gel is your best friend here.
While you shave:
Use a sharp, clean razor - Old blades can tug and make irritation worse. Rinse it often while shaving and swap it out regularly.
Shave in the same direction your hair grows - It might not feel quite as smooth right away, but it really helps prevent those little red bumps.
Try not to go over the same area too many times - It can make your skin extra sensitive.
After you shave:
Rinse with cool water - It helps calm your skin and close your pores.
Moisturise - Use a soothing, fragrance-free lotion or a bit of aloe vera gel to keep your skin happy and hydrated.
Wear loose clothes for a bit - Let your skin breathe, especially if you’ve shaved a sensitive spot.
Other little tips:
If you still get bumps, you could try a gentle toner with salicylic acid or glycolic acid a few hours later - it can help keep pores clear. Some people also prefer using an electric trimmer instead of a razor. And if you’re shaving your bikini area, make sure to use products made for that part of your body - it’s more delicate.
Most importantly, try not to pick or scratch at the bumps (I know it’s tempting, but it’ll only make them angrier!). Your skin just needs a bit of kindness and time to heal. 💕
Arohanui,
Māmā Ruru
How do I insert a tampon?
First, make sure you’re in a space where you feel relaxed, comfortable, and not rushed. If it’s your first time, it’s totally normal for it to feel a bit scary or confusing as it’s something new, and lots of people feel that way at the start. You might want to begin with a smaller or “slender” tampon, or one with an applicator, since they can make the process a bit easier.
Next, find a position that feels right for you. Some people like to sit on the toilet with their knees apart, while others prefer to stand with one leg up on the edge of the bath or toilet. Try out what feels most comfortable.
When you’re ready, unwrap and prepare the tampon. If it has an applicator, hold it in the middle where the two tubes meet. If it doesn’t, hold the base of the tampon with the string facing down. With one hand, gently open your labia (the folds of skin around your vagina), and with the other, slowly and gently guide the tampon in on a slight angle, aiming more toward your lower back rather than straight up.
If it’s an applicator tampon, push the smaller tube into the larger one to release it, then remove the applicator. If it’s a non-applicator one, gently push it in with your finger until you can’t feel it anymore. The string should hang just outside your body so you can easily remove it later by gently pulling.
If it feels uncomfortable or like it’s poking, it might not be in far enough that’s super common, and you can just take it out and try again with a new one. Don’t stress if it takes a few tries; everyone needs a bit of practice at first.
Lastly, remember to change your tampon every 4–8 hours. Don’t leave it in for too long to avoid irritation or infection. And most importantly, take your time and be gentle with yourself it can take a little while to get used to, and that’s completely okay.
Arohanui,
Māmā Ruru💛
I think my friend group is falling apart and I don't know what to do….
Hey, thank you so much for opening up - that honestly takes a lot of courage. 💛
It sounds like you’ve been feeling pretty worried and sad, maybe even stressed or confused - like the people you used to feel closest to are drifting away. That can be such a heavy thing to go through, and it’s completely okay to feel that way. Lots of people experience friendship changes, especially during high school, because everyone’s growing and figuring out who they are. It’s really tough, but it’s also something most of us go through at some point.
If you’d like to try reconnecting with your friends, it could help to talk to them openly about how you’re feeling. Sometimes people don’t realise how their actions are affecting others, and having an honest chat can really help everyone understand each other better. I know it can feel scary, but face-to-face conversations often make a big difference. Or if that feels too full-on right now, maybe you could plan something chill and fun to bring everyone together again.
Before you do that though, take a moment for yourself. Ask: Is this group still good for me? Do I feel supported and happy around them? Your wellbeing and peace of mind are the most important things. If everyone’s keen to work things out and you all put in the effort, that’s awesome - just keep being the kind, caring friend you already are. But if you notice you’re the only one trying, and it feels one-sided, it’s okay to step back a bit and give your energy to people who really value and care for you. You deserve that.
And please be gentle with yourself through it all. Try not to let this change make you doubt who you are - because you’re so much more than what’s happening in your friendships. There will be new people who love you for exactly who you are, and those connections will come when the time’s right.
If you start to feel really down or alone, please reach out - whether it’s to someone you trust or a school counsellor. You don’t have to go through this by yourself, and asking for help is always okay.
You’ve got such a beautiful heart, and you deserve friendships that feel safe, real, and full of aroha. 💗
Aroha nui,
Māmā Ruru 🦉
How do I know if I have depression or anxiety?
Hey chick, a lot of people our age go through feelings of stress, sadness, anxiety or low moods, and it’s actually really common. It’s totally normal to feel nervous, down, or unsure at times, but when things like poor sleep, changes in appetite, or finding it hard to connect with others start to stick around, it can be a sign that you might be experiencing anxiety or depression.
Sometimes these two can overlap, like trouble sleeping (either sleeping too much or not enough), finding it hard to concentrate, wanting to be alone, or avoiding stressful or social situations. You might be experiencing one or the other, or sometimes both at the same time, and that’s okay, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken.
If you’ve been feeling this way often, for a long time, and it’s starting to affect your daily life or relationships, it could be a good idea to reach out for support from someone like the school psychologists or a trusted adult in your life. Talking to someone about how you’re feeling can feel scary at first, but it’s actually a really strong and brave step to take. You should never feel embarrassed or ashamed about asking for help, everyone needs support at different times in their lives.
If you want to learn more, I’ve put together some pages with info about depression and anxiety, plus links to places where you can reach out for help and support.
Arohanui, Māmā Ruru
What are some ways to manage school pressure without feeling overwhelmed?
Hey lovely,
I heard you’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with schoolwork lately, that’s totally valid, and you’re definitely not alone. But I promise, you’re doing better than you think 💛
One thing that really helps is trying not to procrastinate (easier said than done, I know!). Something some of us use is the “1, 2, 3” method, it’s super simple: just count to three and get started. It sounds silly, but honestly, it can really help break that first barrier.
Getting organised can also make a big difference. Try setting up a space that helps you focus, somewhere tidy, with good lighting, and no distractions. Having everything you need nearby (like pens, highlighters, your charger, snacks, etc.) saves you from having to get up constantly. Once you’ve got your space sorted, it’s way easier to get into the right headspace too.
Writing out a to-do list and prioritising what’s due soonest, like internals or upcoming exams, can help things feel less overwhelming. Break it down into small, achievable steps, and give yourself little rewards when you tick things off (like a treat, a walk, or an episode of your fav show). And focus on how good it’s going to feel once it’s done and handed in, that relief is honestly the best feeling 🙌
Also, figure out what kind of work vibe suits you best, some people like total silence, others prefer music or a study group. Try a few things and see what works for you. If you find yourself getting distracted, setting screen time limits or deleting games/apps from your phone or laptop can really help.
If you're working at home, make sure to get outside every now and then, even just for a few minutes. Fresh air can do wonders when your brain feels foggy. And don't forget to rest. Getting enough sleep, eating properly, and taking care of yourself are just as important as studying.
And honestly, don’t be afraid to ask for help, your teachers want to see you do well, and they’re usually super understanding and supportive. Your whānau teacher and your Dean will be able to help you too.
You’ve absolutely got this. Be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time 💖
Sending heaps of love and encouragement, you're so much more capable than you realise🌸.
Arohanui, Māmā Ruru
Hi Māmā Ruru, I’m addicted to vaping and I am having a really hard time quitting, can you help me please?
Hey, thank you so much for being open and sharing where you're at that takes courage.
Something that might really help is talking to someone you trust such as maybe a close friend, whānau, a teacher, or a counsellor. Having someone in your corner can make such a difference, especially when it comes to staying accountable and feeling supported.
Take a moment to reflect on why you started vaping, what was going on for you at that time? Understanding that reason can help you work through it with more kindness toward yourself, and might make your journey to stopping feel a bit more manageable.
It can also really help to pick up new hobbies or find little distractions that keep your mind and hands busy. And if you can, try to avoid situations or people where vaping is happening or even let those people know about your goal so they can support you too.
Most importantly, try to focus on the positives. Don’t stress too much about how many days you’ve gone without vaping as sometimes counting can add pressure and make it feel harder. Instead, celebrate how far you've come and all the little wins.
And please be gentle with yourself. One slip up doesn’t erase your progress. This stuff is hard, and healing isn’t always a straight line. You're doing the mahi, and that’s something to be really proud of.
Arohanui, Māmā Ruru