How do I know if the guys I liked for a couple of years likes me back and he is quite shy

If you've liked a guy for a couple of years and he's quite shy, the honest answer is that there is no guaranteed way to know whether he likes you back. Shy people often don't make their feelings obvious. They might not be the first to start conversations, make bold moves, or tell you exactly how they feel. Instead, their feelings often show up in quieter ways. Maybe he remembers little details about you, looks for opportunities to spend time with you, asks about your day, notices when something is wrong, or seems a little nervous when you're around. Sometimes you'll catch him looking at you when he thinks you aren't paying attention. Other times, he may simply make an effort to stay connected, even if he doesn't know how to express it perfectly.

But here's the thing I really want you to hear: don't spend years trying to decode every glance, text, or interaction. It's natural to wonder, especially when you care about someone, but life becomes much lighter when you stop searching for hidden meanings in everything. The truth is that whether he likes you back or not, your value remains exactly the same.

And if it turns out he doesn't feel the same way? That's okay too.

One of the most important lessons you'll learn is that it is completely okay for a crush to stay a friendship. We often grow up believing that the happiest ending is when someone likes us back, but there is so much beauty in friendships too. Some of the most important people in your life won't be romantic partners—they'll be the friends who support you, make you laugh until your stomach hurts, celebrate your wins, and stand beside you when things get hard.

A friendship is never a "lesser" outcome. It is a relationship built on trust, kindness, and genuine connection. In many ways, those qualities matter more than whether someone has a crush on you.

So if you're wondering whether this shy guy likes you, look less at what he says and more at the effort he makes. Does he try to be around you? Does he remember things about you? Does he seem to care about how you're doing? Those are often better clues than grand romantic gestures.

And while you're figuring it out, don't put your life on hold waiting for an answer. Keep pursuing your goals, spending time with your friends, trying new things, and becoming the person you want to be. The right relationships—whether they become friendships or something more—will grow naturally from there.

Because at the end of the day, the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself. A boy liking you back can be exciting, but your happiness, confidence, and future should never depend on it. The people who are meant to be in your life will find their place in it, and every meaningful connection—whether it becomes a friendship or a love story—is worth appreciating for what it is. 💙. 

One of my close friends thinks I was talking behind her back but I wasn't. She is also upset cause of something she THOUGHT i'd do but i didn’t do it. Now she won't talk to me

Maybe for now the best thing to do is give her a bit of space and let her know that whenever she feels ready, you’d really like to talk things through and have an honest conversation about what’s been going on. It could also help to sit with some other people in class for a little while, just so she has the space she seems to need right now. 

I totally understand that being ignored by someone you care about can be really hurtful. At the same time, if she believes that you've been gossiping about her, she might be feeling upset or unsure about whether she can trust you at the moment. If you genuinely know in your heart that you haven't done anything wrong and you've acted with good intentions, that's important to hold onto. 

It's natural to want to fix things straight away, especially when you care about the friendship, but sometimes the kindest thing you can do is give it some time. Space can be really helpful for both of you to process your feelings, and it gives things a chance to settle before having a conversation. Just be patient with yourself and with her — whatever happens, you've done what you can by being respectful and giving her the time she needs. 💛 

I have a friendship group of three and I don't really want to hang out with 1 of these people. What should I do?

Hey, I just want to say this is actually a really normal situation in a trio, even though it can feel a bit awkward. 

It’s completely okay to acknowledge your feelings and validate them — if you’re not really clicking with someone, that is still a valid feeling and you don’t need to force a friendship that doesn’t feel natural to you. At the same time, it’s important to be mindful that everyone still feels respected and included, even if you are not super close. 

You don’t have to be best friends with everyone in the group. It is okay to naturally feel closer to one or two people, and you can still be kind and friendly in group situations without pushing yourself into one-on-one hangouts that don’t feel right for you. 

You can also create a bit of space over time by not always initiating plans or by being more selective with what you say yes to, without making it into something dramatic. 

Basically, it’s about finding that balance: being honest with yourself about how you feel, while still making sure nobody feels unwelcome or targeted x

I feel like I’m being a bad friend. There’s a girl I’m friends with who keeps sending me TikToks about feeling left out, whenever I talk to her, she brushes me off . I don’t know what to do

It honestly sounds like you’re trying to be a really caring friend, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now. 

From what you’ve said, it seems like she’s kind of reaching out in an indirect way through TikToks, but when you try to properly check in with her, she doesn’t really open up or engage. That can feel really confusing and honestly a bit one-sided, especially when you’re actually making an effort to be there for her. 

But you’re not a bad friend for not knowing how to handle it. Sometimes friendship just gets tricky like that, especially when one person is hinting at how they feel but not really talking about it directly. It sounds like you are doing your part by trying to create space for her and checking in. 

If you wanted a gentle way to respond, you could say something like: 

“Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve sent a few TikToks about feeling left out. I really care about you and I’m here if you ever want to talk properly. I just sometimes find it hard to know how to support you when we don’t really talk about it directly.” 

It’s kind, honest, and still respects both of you without putting pressure on her. 

And if she still doesn’t really respond or pulls away, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a friend — it might just mean she’s not in a place where she can talk about it yet. You can still care about her, but it’s also okay to not carry all of that emotional weight by yourself xx  

I think my sisters a furry and I don’t like it, what should I do?

This can be a really tough situation to navigate. The first thing to consider is why you don’t like this idea. 

Do you find it unusual or embarrassing? If so, it’s important to remember that many hobbies and fandoms look strange from the outside. Being a furry is usually just a creative interest or outlet, a way to express your interests.  

Are you worried about her safety? If she's interacting with people online, it's reasonable to care about things like privacy, age-appropriate communities, and online safety. Those concerns can be discussed without focusing on whether she's a furry. Possibly bring this up to your parents instead, as it may feel less condescending to her if it comes from the adults in her life. 

Is her behaviour affecting you directly? For example, if she's constantly bringing it up, using your belongings without permission for costumes, or making you uncomfortable in shared spaces, you can set boundaries about those specific behaviours.  

You don't have to share her interests or become a fan yourself. It's completely okay to dislike the hobby. The important question is whether she's doing anything harmful. If not, then the most practical approach is usually to let her enjoy her interests while maintaining your own boundaries.  

I feel like my friend group doesn’t really like me. They’ve hung out without me before and I feel left out because we haven’t hung out together. I have 1 friend from my old school

That sounds really tough, and I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Friendships can be pretty confusing sometimes, especially when it seems like everyone else is closer or hanging out without you. 

Just because they’ve hung out without you doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Sometimes people just organise things quickly or assume others are busy, and it can accidentally leave people out without it being intentional. But even when that’s the case, it can still feel really hurtful and upsetting. 

There’s also no real timeline for having a best friend. Even in older years, a lot of people don’t have one clear “best friend,” even if it looks like they do from the outside. Friendships change a lot, and it’s more normal than people think. 

If you feel up to it, it might help to reach out to one person you trust in the group and suggest something low-key, like sitting together at lunch or grabbing a snack sometime. Sometimes those one-on-one moments help rebuild things a bit. 

And it’s also really okay that you still have your friend from your old school. That connection still matters, even if things at school feel a bit uncertain right now. 

Feeling like this is totally normal, and it doesn’t reflect yourself worth xx

Teacher troubles

I don’t like my teacher, what can I do? 

It’s completely normal to not click with every teacher you have. Sometimes personalities or teaching styles just don’t match, and that can make a class feel really draining or frustrating. But not clicking with one teacher does not define your ability in a subject or your experience at school as a whole. 

Try to focus on what helps you learn best and remember that your education is bigger than one classroom or one person. Talking to someone you trust, whether that’s a friend, dean, one of our psychologists, or even another teacher, can also really help if it’s starting to affect you emotionally or academically. 

At the end of the day, you deserve to feel supported in your learning, and it’s important to remember that one teacher’s personality or opinions do not determine your potential. 

How do I deal with a teacher that doesn’t respect me? 

Feeling disrespected by a teacher can be really upsetting, especially because school is meant to be a place where students feel safe to learn and grow. It can sometimes help to remember that misunderstandings and communication differences happen, but that does not make your feelings any less valid. 

Try to approach situations calmly where you can, and don’t be afraid to reach out to someone you trust for support if things are becoming overwhelming. You should never feel like you have to deal with difficult situations completely on your own. 

Most importantly, the way someone speaks to you does not define your worth, your intelligence, or the kind of student and person you are. 

How do I rebuild my confidence after receiving harsh feedback? 

Harsh feedback can stick with you for a really long time, especially when it comes from someone whose opinion feels important. When you care deeply about something, negative comments can start to affect the way you see yourself, not just your work. 

Please know that one comment does not define your intelligence, your capability, or your future. Sometimes we hold onto criticism much more strongly than we hold onto praise, and over time it can shape our confidence. 

Rebuilding confidence takes time, and it’s okay if you’re still affected by something that hurt you. Try to be gentle with yourself and remember that learning is supposed to involve mistakes, growth, and asking questions. You do not need to be perfect to be capable. 

Talking to someone you trust can really help too. And even though it can feel scary, continuing to participate, ask questions, and put yourself out there again is often how confidence slowly starts to come back. 

I am struggling to engage in a compulsory class as I'm not interest in it? What can do?

It can be really hard to stay motivated in subjects you’re not that interested in, especially when they’re compulsory. That’s actually a pretty normal thing to feel. 

A few things that might help: 

You could talk to your teacher or your year level dean about it and just be honest that you’re finding it hard to stay engaged. Your teacher can usually help by breaking the work down or making it clearer what you actually need to focus on for credits, and your dean can support you if it’s becoming something that’s affecting a few of your classes. 

It can also help to just focus on getting started, even if you’re not feeling it. Once you’ve done the first couple of questions, it’s often a bit easier to get into it than it feels at the beginning. 

Setting small goals can make it feel way more manageable too, like doing a few questions at a time or just working for 10 to 15 minutes before taking a break instead of thinking about the whole thing at once. 

And honestly, you don’t need to be super interested in it to get through it. Sometimes it’s just about having a simple routine and taking it step by step so you can get it done without it feeling too overwhelming. 

What should I do if someone in my friend group is making things uncomfortable, and other people are talking about them behind their back? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make it worse?

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Friend group stuff can be so hard, especially when you’re trying to be kind but also feeling uncomfortable yourself. I think the first thing to remember is that you don’t have to be best friends with someone to still treat them with respect. It’s okay if you find her a bit overwhelming sometimes. That doesn’t make you a bad person. But it’s also really kind of you to notice that people talking about her behind her back could hurt her feelings. If your friends are saying mean things loudly, you could gently say something like, “I get that people are frustrated, but I don’t think we should talk about her where she might hear.” You don’t have to make it a big dramatic moment. Just a small comment like that can show that you’re not comfortable joining in.  

With the girl herself, stay kind but also have boundaries. You can be friendly without giving all your energy to her. If she’s being too much, it’s okay to step away, change the subject, or spend time with other people for a bit. The dating situation sounds awkward too, especially if it’s making the rest of the group uncomfortable. I don’t think you need to get super involved in their relationship, because that can get messy fast. If you’re closer with one of them, you could talk to her privately and gently say something like, “I don’t want to be mean or make things awkward, but sometimes the relationship stuff in the group makes me feel uncomfortable.” And if anything feels unsafe, too grown-up, or like someone is being pressured, then it’s okay to talk to a trusted adult, like a dean, teacher, school counsellor, older sibling, or parent. That doesn’t mean you’re dobbing anyone in. It just means you care enough to make sure people are okay.

Overall, I don’t think you need to fix the whole friend group by yourself. Just try not to join in with the gossip, be kind where you can, and protect your own peace too. You can care about someone’s feelings while still having boundaries. 

What are some tactics to deal with self-harm/urges to do it? I have a history of it and have been struggling with relapsing.

Getting those kinds of thoughts and urges can be really hard and scary, but you don’t have to go through this alone. It is important to remember there are always people to talk to and asking Māmāruru was a courageous step in the right direction.  

There is a network of people who you can reach out to and talk to who can support you with these thoughts. At Rangi we are lucky to have two amazing psychologists who are available free of charge to all Rangi ākonga. These two are trained in supporting you through your struggles and are excellent to reach out to for support. Reaching out and asking for help is so important. There are also people available outside of school if you would find this more comfortable. Talking to people you trust can make such a difference, you just have to take the first step and ask for help.  

Many people find that urges can be managed well by using distractions, but this can differ from person to person. Some people find that options such as fidgets and talking can be enough to manage urges in an easy and non-harmful way. Other non-harmful replacements such as holding an ice cube or snapping a rubber band on the area you are having urges to harm can be useful if fidgets or talking aren’t suppressing the urge.  
 
It can also be a good idea to take note of potential triggers and recognize what is causing these urges. There are some good apps and online diaries that can be used to record urges and triggers which potentially can help to avoid these situations in the future. Some examples of this kind of websites and apps are I Am Sober, DistrACT, Calm Harm, Cove, MeeToo, and Feeling Good. All of these apps/websites can be used to track urges and triggers, and many also give advice on how to stay clean.   

If you are specifically having urges to relapse it can also be useful to try and remember what has been useful in the past. It is possible that these same supports may help again, especially if the urges are coming from similar triggers.  

However, these things do not replace professional support from psychologists or psychiatrists. Finding support is an important part of learning to know when to seek for help. If you are having urges to harm yourself, it is necessary to speak out and ask for assistance. Professionals are trained in their respective areas to aid you and guide you through the journey of stopping to self-harm. Remember that you are loved and that there are people around you who care about you.  

If you need urgent assistance for your crisis there are free helplines such as 

Youth line: 0800 37 66 33 

What's up: 0800 942 8787 

Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 

I feel left out and disconnected from my class, how do I try to get more involved and connected?

I’m really glad you reached out about this, because feeling left out or disconnected in class can honestly feel pretty lonely sometimes. You’re definitely not the only person who feels this way, especially when it seems like everyone already has their own friend groups sorted out. It can take time to feel comfortable and connected, and that’s completely okay. 

One thing that can really help is starting with small conversations, even if they feel a bit awkward at first. You could ask simple things like “Do you get this question?” or “What subjects do you like?” Little chats like that can slowly turn into proper friendships over time. Sitting near the same people in class can help too, because seeing familiar faces every day makes it easier to build connections naturally. 

It might also help to try contributing once in class when you feel able to, even if it’s just answering a small question. Sometimes people notice you more when you start putting yourself out there a little bit. Joining clubs, sports, or school activities can also make a huge difference because it gives you chances to meet people outside of class in a more relaxed way. 

If you feel nervous talking to people, it’s important to remember there’s probably someone else in your class feeling exactly the same way. A lot of people are just waiting for someone else to make the first move. Be patient and kind to yourself — friendships usually grow from lots of small moments, not all at once.

How do you deal with friends that make you feel dumb every time you say something?

Hey lovely! Thank you so much for reaching out  

I’m really sorry you’ve been feeling like this. Having friends who make you feel dumb whenever you speak can honestly knock your confidence so much, especially when it keeps happening. You deserve to be around people who make you feel comfortable, listened to, and safe to be yourself around, not judged or embarrassed for simply talking. Sometimes people don’t realise how much their jokes or comments can actually hurt, so it’s okay to speak up or set boundaries if you need to. And please remember, the way people treat you does not define your intelligence or your worth at all. The right people will never make you feel small for being yourself xx 

What is masturbation?

Hey lovely

Thank you so much for trusting me enough to ask this — that actually takes a lot of courage, and I promise you’re not the only one wondering about this.

Masturbation is when someone touches their own body, usually their private parts, to explore how their body feels or for comfort. As you go through puberty, it’s really normal to notice new feelings, emotions, or curiosities about your body, and this can be one way some people learn about themselves.

It’s important to know that this is a really normal part of growing up for some people — and for others, it’s not something they’re interested in at all. Both are completely okay. There’s no “right” or “wrong,” and it doesn’t say anything about you as a person either way.

Sometimes people feel a bit awkward, embarrassed, or unsure when they first hear about it, especially because it’s not always talked about openly. But being curious about your body and asking questions like this is totally natural, and nothing to feel ashamed about.

Everyone grows and learns at their own pace, so there’s absolutely no pressure to do anything you don’t feel ready or comfortable with. Your body is yours, and your boundaries really matter.

Also, just remember that anything to do with your body should always be private, safe, and respectful. No one should ever pressure you or make you feel like you have to do something — you always get to decide what’s right for you.

Most importantly, there is nothing “bad” or “gross” about asking questions like this. Growing up can be confusing sometimes, but you’re doing the right thing by trying to understand things in a safe and respectful way.

Hi mama ruru. Writing an essay is hard and my parents won’t help me.

Hey girl!!

It’s completely okay to find schoolwork hard sometimes, and you’re not alone in feeling that way.

At Rangi, we’re really lucky to have the Learning Centre — the staff in there are so supportive. It’s in Mana Wāhine, and you can just pop in and have a chat with Ms Enright. The Learning Centre staff are genuinely there to help and will do whatever they can to support you.

You can also talk to your teachers about what you’re finding tricky. I know they can feel a bit intimidating sometimes, but they really do want to see you succeed and will help you if you let them know what’s going on. If talking in person isn’t going to work for you, you could send a teams chat or email.

Even chatting with your friends can be super helpful too — sometimes they can explain things in a way that just clicks, and most people are more than happy to help.

Just remember, there’s absolutely no shame in asking for help — it’s actually such a brave and positive thing to do. And honestly, you’re doing so well just by trying your best. Everyone is really proud of you, and I know you’ve got this. You’ll get through it.

I want to transition into a guy but I don’t know how my friends will react.

It’s honestly so okay to feel a bit different or unsure right now — that’s such a normal part of figuring yourself out. Just know that the people who truly care about you will want to support you and understand what you’re going through. And if someone doesn’t respond in the way you hoped, that’s more a reflection of where they’re at, not you. You deserve to be accepted as you are, and you don’t have to change yourself or meet anyone else’s expectations.

If you feel ready, talking to your close friends can be really nice, especially the ones you trust the most. But it’s also okay if you’re not quite there yet. Not everyone fully understands things like transitioning, sometimes just because they haven’t learned much about it — so their reaction might not always be what you expect, and that can be hard.

There’s absolutely no rush to tell anyone. You can take things at your own pace, in your own time, and that’s completely valid. Sometimes it can help to talk to people who already understand, like support groups or others in the community, first — just to build your confidence and feel more comfortable with those conversations.

There are some really supportive options around too. Qtopia here in Christchurch is honestly amazing — they offer peer support and you can talk with people who’ve had similar experiences, which can make things feel a lot less overwhelming. They can also help connect you with a gender-affirming GP if that’s something you’re thinking about, and guide you through everything in a way that feels right for you.

If face-to-face feels a bit much, you could always call OUTLINE (0800 OUTLINE) and chat to someone that way. And also, don’t forget we have support at school too — like the psychologists — who are there to listen and help you through this.

You’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it sometimes. There are people who care about you and want to support you every step of the way.

How do I get people to not use AI anymore? Do you use AI?

That’s a bit of a tricky one - it’s important to recognise what’s within your control and what isn’t. You can’t really dictate how other people choose to use AI and trying to do that will probably just leave you feeling frustrated. But what is in your control is how you respond to it and the choices you make yourself.

There are definitely some valid concerns around AI, like the environmental impact (such as high energy and water use), as well as how it can affect things like critical thinking and memory if it’s overused. It’s good to be aware of these and to think about them, especially if they matter to you personally.

At the end of the day though, the most positive thing you can do is to share what you’ve learned with your friends and have open conversations, rather than trying to control their choices. And then just focus on doing your own part - like being mindful about how often you use AI - if that aligns with your values. That way, you’re still making a difference in a way that feels healthy and realistic.

Also just to be transparent, all of our answers are written by humans, but Māmā Ruru does use a small amount of AI to help smooth things out and keep everything clear and in a consistent tone.

What is the best everything shower routine?

Hey lovely 💗 this is honestly such a good question!! Self-care really matters and having a little routine you actually enjoy can make such a difference.

If you want to create the best shower routine, start with products you love—like shampoos or body washes that smell amazing. It just makes everything feel way more like a treat instead of something you have to do.

Start by setting the shower to a warm, comfy temperature.

In the shower:

• Start by gently massaging shampoo into the roots of your hair

• Then wash your face nice and softly

• Clean the top half of your body with your body wash

• Shave under your arms if that’s something you like to do

• Exfoliate your upper body with a scrub or glove

• Rinse everything off

• Squeeze out some water from your hair and apply conditioner to the mid-lengths and ends

• Clean the bottom half of your body

• Shave your legs if you want to

• Exfoliate your legs

• Then rinse everything really well

After your shower:

• Moisturise while your skin is still a little damp (it makes it feel so much nicer)

• Put on deodorant

• Do your skincare - like face cream and lip balm

• Finish with your favourite body spray or perfume

Just take your time with it and enjoy it. It’s your little moment to relax and reset, so don’t rush it 🤍

How do I get squishies back?

It’s recently become a school rule that squishies, like Needos, aren’t allowed at school anymore. This is because they started to become more of a distraction than a support, with some students using them in ways that disrupted learning. Over time, it meant they were drawing attention away from class rather than helping people focus.

For some students, fidgets can be really helpful for things like self-regulating emotions, managing sensory overload, or coping with anxiety. If you do find that fidgeting helps you, there are still some options available. For example, fidget rings are allowed as a quieter, less distracting alternative. If you feel like you need one for support, you can go through the Learning Centre and ask for a pass.

It might feel a bit frustrating, especially if these tools have helped you before, but there are still ways to make sure you’re supported - just go and see the Learning Centre for some help.

How do you prioritise self-care in your life?

Self-care is not a luxury - it’s something you truly deserve, especially after a long and demanding day at school. Taking time to reset allows you to show up as your best self, both mentally and physically. One gentle way to begin is by intentionally setting aside time just for you. This might look like using a weekly planner or setting a small reminder, not as pressure, but as a caring nudge to pause and breathe.

When that time comes, choose activities that bring you a sense of calm and joy. It could be reading a novel, going for a quiet walk, or simply relaxing in a warm bath. These moments aren’t wasted time - they’re deeply valuable. Research shows that giving your mind space to rest can improve your focus, help you remember what you’ve learned, and support better decision-making.

It’s also important to nurture your connections with others. Reaching out to friends, whether it’s for a movie or a simple lunch, can lift your mood more than you might expect. These small, intentional choices build a sense of balance and happiness in your life.

Remember, it’s easy to fall into the rhythm of doing the same things every day, but gently stepping outside that routine is essential. When you create space for yourself, even in small ways, you’re actively caring for your wellbeing - and that matters more than you might realise.

What used to be in the place where Atawhai was built?

Great question! Originally there was three separate buildings located where Atawhai currently is. Two of these were languages and the other was a house where the Boarding Director lived. Inside of one of the languages blocks was the Year 12 common room – which did not get replaced after Atawhai was built.