Friendship
Hey, I want to have a chat about friendships—because honestly, they’re such a big part of high school life. It’s not just about who you sit next to at lunch or who’s in your group chats. It’s about the people who really lift you up, stand by you when things get tough, and make the everyday moments feel special.
Friendships change heaps over the years, and that’s totally normal. Sometimes you drift apart just because you’re in different classes the next year, or because people grow in different directions and move on without even explaining why - it’s really not about you. I know that can feel confusing or even hurtful, but it’s just part of life.
What really counts is finding mates who accept you for exactly who you are and help you grow into who you want to be.
I’ve seen a lot about what real friendship looks like, and I want to share some honest advice that might help you through the ups and downs of high school—from the nerves of starting Year 9 to those bittersweet goodbyes in Year 13.
What’s tricky about friendships in high school?
Friendships can get pretty complicated during these years. Everyone’s figuring themselves out, which means people change - and sometimes that means friends change too. There can be heaps of pressure to fit in, which can make it really hard to find the right friends for you. You might also come across things like tall poppy syndrome, where people feel threatened by others’ success and get jealous or competitive, which can hurt friendships.
Sometimes drama pops up out of nowhere because of miscommunication or saying things in moments of anger that you don’t really mean. Or you might notice someone saying no to being friends with certain people just because of gossip or rumours, which isn’t cool but sadly does happen.
When friendships fall apart, it’s easy to think you might not be able to make new mates - but honestly, there’s someone out there for everyone. With around 120 people in your year level, there’s definitely someone who will get you. You just haven’t met your people yet.
A bit of what I’ve noticed over the years:
Years 7 and 8: Friendships were mostly about kindness and learning how to be good to each other. It is important to have mates who can apologise if they hurt you and who didn’t make fun of what you liked or who you hung out with. Being a good friend is less about being perfect and more about being kind, fun, and making each other feel safe.
Years 9 and 10: Things start to shift as we try to figure out who we really are. Friends who respected what you thought and supported your interests are gold. Notice who pushes you to do things just to “fit in” and who gives you space to grow without any pressure. Loyalty and trust really matter here. A good friend can say sorry, be honest, and cares more about fixing the friendship than being right.
Years 11 to 13: Friendships become deeper and way more meaningful. These are the ones that help you grow, not just make you feel comfortable. Real mates cheer you on when you try new things and are honest without being hurtful. They respect your time, boundaries, and all the other stuff going on in your life. They don’t compete with you or disappear when things get serious. By this stage, good friendships help you be your best self - and you do the same for them.
Some tips:
It’s okay if friendships change. People grow and sometimes that means you grow apart. It’s normal, even if it feels sad.
Remember that drifting apart isn’t usually about you. Sometimes people move on without giving a reason, and that’s okay.
Be kind but also protect yourself. If someone’s bringing you down or not respecting you, it’s okay to step back or walk away.
Kindness will never cause you harm. Being kind to others only benefits you - it doesn’t come back badly. Even when friendships don’t last, kindness leaves a positive mark.
Take accountability for your actions. It’s easy to think friendship problems are always someone else’s fault - but being honest with yourself about your own behaviour is so important. We all make mistakes, and that’s okay! What really matters is that we learn from them, say sorry when we need to, and try to do better next time. That’s how friendships grow stronger.
Look for friends who support your goals and respect your boundaries. They’ll want to see you succeed, not hold you back.
Don’t feel like you have to be friends with everyone. Quality is way more important than quantity.
Be aware of tall poppy syndrome and jealousy. Some people might get competitive or try to tear others down - hat’s not on you.
Talk honestly with your mates. Good friendships survive honest conversations, even when they’re hard.
Try not to get caught up in gossip or rumours. Friendships based on those usually don’t last.
There’s someone for everyone. Even if you’ve lost some friends, there are heaps of people in your year, so don’t give up on finding your crew.
What to do if you’re having friendship issues
Friendships can be tricky sometimes, but there are things you can try to help work through the tough spots:
Take a pause and breathe. When things get heated or you feel hurt, take a moment before reacting. It helps stop things from getting worse and gives you space to think clearly.
Reach out and talk honestly. If you’re feeling unsure or upset, try to have a calm conversation with your friend. Use “I” statements like, “I felt hurt when…” so it doesn’t sound like you’re blaming them.
Say sorry when you need to. If you’ve messed up or said something in anger, owning it and apologising shows you care about the friendship and want to fix things.
Listen to their side. Sometimes misunderstandings happen because people aren’t really listening. Give your friend a chance to share how they feel too.
Set clear boundaries. If something makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay to say no or let your friend know what you need. Good friends will respect that.
Avoid gossip and drama. Try not to spread rumours or get caught up in group drama - it usually makes things worse. Instead, focus on building honest, respectful connections.
Find support outside your friend group. Talk to a trusted teacher, school counsellor, or family member if you need help sorting through things. Sometimes an outside perspective can really help.
Keep being kind - especially to yourself. Remember, you deserve friendships where you feel safe, happy, and respected. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to step back and take care of yourself.
Try meeting new people. With so many people at school, there’s plenty of chance to make new friends who really get you. Join clubs, sports, or groups that interest you - it’s a great way to find your people.
Remember, everyone struggles with friendships sometimes, but these steps can help you find your way through. You’re never alone in this.