Do I have to wait until I finish high school to have a crush on a teacher?

Having crushes is a really normal part of growing up. They can happen at any age and having one doesn’t make you a bad person at all. You don’t always get to choose who you develop feelings for, and that can be confusing or uncomfortable. What’s important to remember, though, is that there’s a big difference between having a crush and acting on it. Even when the feelings themselves are normal, acting on them isn’t always appropriate - especially when boundaries are involved.

In New Zealand, the age of consent is 16, but that doesn’t make a relationship with a teacher okay. Teachers are in a position of authority, which creates a clear power imbalance. A relationship that goes beyond a professional student–teacher dynamic is not allowed and can have serious consequences. A teacher could lose their job or face a police investigation, and the student could experience emotional stress, harm, or disruptions to their education, like having to change classes or even schools. That’s why it’s so important to keep it as just a crush and maintain clear boundaries. If you do have a crush on a teacher, it's best to talk to and get advice from a family member, caregiver, or psychologist to hear another person's point of view about your feelings.

Even after leaving high school, I would still strongly discourage having a relationship with a former teacher. Even if they’re no longer technically your teacher, that professional relationship doesn’t just disappear. They’ve watched you grow up through your teenage years, and if they’re interested in a relationship after that, it isn’t healthy or okay. It’s important to protect yourself and your feelings.

Even if you’re 18 and it’s no longer illegal, your brain is still developing - especially the part that helps with decision-making and understanding long-term consequences. That doesn’t fully mature until around your mid-twenties, which means it’s easier to act on emotion or impulse. While it might not feel wrong because it’s technically legal, there is still a power imbalance, and if a teacher is encouraging or returning those feelings, that’s a huge red flag. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and protected - always.

Arohanui, Māmā Ruru